It has been brought to my attention by a diligent reader that no one has really touched upon the subject of how much it would literally suck to smoke weed with Mr. Phelps. It goes without question that he has an enormous lung capacity. As the reader wrote, "like that of a blue whale", which is a lot, let me tell you.
But, as much as I think he would smoke all your weed in one mighty breath, there is a much, much bigger issue here.
Who is his dealer?
How did they meet? What do they talk about? Does he even have a dealer? Does he need a dealer? Can I be his dealer?
You would make so much money. Those lungs, that huge amount of disposable income.
If your reading this Michael I think we should meet. Just see if we even get along first. No strings attached. You have so many gold medals. If anyone deserves to rest on their laurels and take it easy it's you. Don't let these idiots tell you that you have an image to uphold or that this makes you a bad role model. On the contrary Mr. Phelps, this has made you a little more approachable in my eyes.
Listen, people didn't follow The Dead around for the show nor do they adore Snoop Dogg for his devastating good looks and amazing acting skills. This is a whole new demographic your pulling from here. I think maybe it's time to expand your horizons. Look for a new way to represent yourself. You already did the win every medal thing.

Hey, c'mon, do we have to wait four more years to see you in your glory again? I say make your own choices and the people will follow. I think you are about to see how so many of us are on your side.
Like I said, give me a ring. We'll talk.