This gentleman, George Bartusek, of Cape Coral, Fla. was arrested outside a grocery store for having a "threesome" with the two blow up dolls pictured. Nearby witnesses complained of him, "masturbating and 'aggressively kissing' the dolls".

Okay, George, so you're super horny, and after blowing up these two babes you feel like you can't wait until you get home to satisfy yourself. The manager comes out because there is a crowd gathering around your car. He asks you to stop and you refuse, to which, the manager calls the police. When the cops address you, you stumble but say you're buying clothes for the dolls at a nearby store.

Yes. Good answer.

I'm okay with all of this. So far, I get it. More importantly, I get you, mister man. Having a little fun in the parking lot? Who among us can say we are not guilty of this victimless crime? As for the crowd of people who gathered, I say, if you don't like what's going on in this car move on to the next one. Change the channel. Get off your soap box before your kids learn to cover their own eyes.

But, there's one thing that I don't really understand. I think we need to talk about it, seriously.
How many Reese's peanut butter cups can you eat? There are, like, three packages on the dash board alone. And, I notice that they are the fun size, no doubt the "normal" serving size doesn't satisfy you anymore. Who knows how many more are in there, in your car, in your heart. I'm worried about you, Candyman.

Binge eating is not something you should be taking lightly. It's a downward spiral. You don't want to be associated with an eating disorder, do you? Have some pride man. Get your finger out of your throat and into some nice warm dinner. You gotta take this disease by the reigns and drive it right out of you. Acceptance is the first part of recovery.

There, there, isn't that better? I think I speak for a lot of people out there when I wish you a speedy recovery.
I'll never forget you Candyman. No matter what.