I went camping this weekend and witnessed the little California newt in action. I thought, as you may be thinking now by the picture, how adorable that they all get together and hug for warmth. My heart was alive with the joy of the wild. I smiled and pointed out to my friend how lucky we were to be witnesses to such beauty. He said, "no, that's a newt ball. They're gang banging the female."
What?
It seems that the males often get to the river before the females and so when she does finally show up she is out numbered and is treated like, well, Jodie Foster's character in The Accused.
Look at them. Most of them aren't even near touching the female and, in every male case, they will release a spermatophore(load) that will rest on the ocean floor for the female to pick up with her cloaca(sewer). No penetration whatsoever. None. It's a gang bang of snugly hugs with a happy ending.
So fear not my little campers, it looks as though I was right in the end. These guys are like the care bears of sexual relations. It does seem important for me to note that they are poisonous to touch and eat, so maybe all these toxins are rubbing off on each other and they are all getting just a little too high. I say this only because, frankly, this just sounds like another giant ecstasy party to me.
Best damn back rub you'll ever have.
