jerusalem cricket

I have been away from "civilization" for so long. This is a friend of mine from the Lost Coast right around Jackass Creek. He was hiding under a driftwood log along the beach. It wasn't until now, as I sit in a Motel room in Eureka, that I am aware of the dangerous controversy that surrounds my sweet Jerusalem cricket in the picture. The bottom is a photo I took and the top is from potatobugs.com. The site describes the ferocious beast in more detail and it is only now that I realize I was at death's door. I mean how else do you get the nickname "Satan's fetus"? Seriously, look at the site, I'll wait.

I have noticed that while I am in nature's clumsy hands I should be more educated on what is evil and must be destroyed and what I should do in life-threatening situations. I have been reading the worst case scenario book but I can't imagine that upon seeing a bear that I will calmly throw my hands in the air and say softly, "hey bear. It's okay. Good bear.", I have been contemplating buying a small dog such as a chihuahua and throwing it at the bear as a snack while I run away. I think they are light enough that you could hurl it pretty far and it will give you plenty of time. Or, just tie the dog up at your camp site because what bear wants to chase food when a tasty little morsel is tethered to that tree not going anywhere?

I have also noticed that animals in the wild are pretty nice about showing signs that they are just as afraid of you. For example, passing a herd of Elk, we were greeted by most of them crapping themselves as we walked through. Noticing, as I did, that the first common primordial instinct is to relieve yourself so you can run faster from your predator. So I thank all the creatures who made me feel superior by pooing when they saw me, It really did make me feel bad ass and scary.

I am off now to fish Trinity River and the surrounding area. I wish that I had taken the cricket for bait, but I really thought he was a friend at the time. If anyone wants to send me warnings of animals, bugs, etc. that I may encounter, please do, I'm leaving in an hour.

cat in heat

I should preface this post with the statement that I love animals and, despite eating them, would never intentionally drop kick one of them for no reason.

I am presently staying at a friends house while I finalize my vacation plans and I have just had the unfortunate experience of meeting the "tame" cat that runs the place. The cat is named Whisper which is, in my opinion, the opposite of this particular cat. She is eleven years old and in heat. Whisper is the loudest cat that has ever roamed the planet. Her name is a cruel joke on the world. It's like naming Marilyn Monroe, Sober. Whisper wakes up around 11pm and begins her rounds of enticing people to pet her only to hiss and snap and claw until she is satisfied that you're bleeding and hoping she knows that it's all dogs go to heaven, not cats. Then, just as you go to bed and drift away into never never land, she begins the cry for her never found mate. It's long and annoying and has no rhyme or reason and, just when you think that she couldn't possible have anything else to say, it starts anew. I bought earplugs today.

Come to think of it, I guess I really shouldn't be too hard on the old girl. Look at her situation, she is 11 years old and she's not getting any younger. She has only wanted to get laid her whole life. She is an indoor cat and can only moan loudly through the walls, hoping to entice a wandering stray or the ears of the neighboring gigolo cat. What with Bob Barker and animal rights activists I think our little Whisper here is just about the last of her kind. She is like that 60 year old Indian woman that just had a baby, old and fertile. Except that I think the Indian lady probably can't say she's a virgin like our Whisper. Not that she wouldn't jump at the chance, but bless that poor cat that makes its way through the claw fanged passion that is Whisper.

So now I've come to the conclusion that I am going to take her to be fixed this weekend, with my friend's consent. Still though, 11 years of horny? I feel like I should find her a one night stand before I do.

Do you think the SPCA covers that? I think I'll put a note in the suggestion box if they don't.